A great percentage of bullying and school violence involve students who themselves faced rejection, teasing, harassment, or bullying in the past. This raises critical questions about understanding and addressing these behaviours: Can we truly reduce or eliminate such harmful actions in schools? Why do students target one another? Would eliminating all hurtful behaviour deprive students of valuable life lessons? How can we teach them to effectively handle intolerance from others?

Marion Kohler, Principal at Abbotts High School JHB South, says while it is possible to mitigate rejection, teasing, harassment, and bullying at schools, eliminating these behaviours entirely is complex and challenging.

“Encouraging a strong school culture of respect, tolerance, inclusivity, and accountability can greatly reduce hurtful and harmful incidents. Anti-bullying campaigns, social media awareness, knowledge of the law, and teaching social-emotional skills will also assist schools in managing bad behaviour,” she says.

Kohler advises schools to host regular parent talks and staff training. These are essential for building a strong community to help teach young people the effects of these behaviours on others and the steps they can take to protect themselves and report to a trusted adult.

“There are several reasons why children pick on each other, including, but not limited to, parental neglect, divorce, parents who are under the influence, or lack of attention from parents at home. Children may then lash out at others for attention.”

Another reason could be that a parent or sibling models the behaviour at home, and the child then copies it at school. Yet another reason could be that some children are just more aggressive, dominating, and impulsive, although this does not always equate to bullying.

“Others may not have been taught to have empathy for others. Some students who have been bullied themselves may lash out by overpowering others to relieve their own feelings of helplessness. Many students have low self-esteem and may manipulate others by gossiping and being mean. Another reason is peer pressure, where children join in to gain social status or acceptance from their peer group.”

A question we should be asking as adults is this: If we eliminate all hurtful behavior, would students miss out on any life learning experiences? We should teach children how to confront one another respectfully and, to a certain degree, how to withstand possible hurtful opinions, argues Kohler.

“Children should learn the value of free speech and that they have the right to disagree and turn away from opinions they find objectionable. Schools and parents should emphasise that democratic citizenship requires the ability to listen to opposing ideas, critically analyse arguments, and respond thoughtfully—whether by disproving, defending, adjusting, or reaffirming one’s views. Additionally, schools and parents must teach students the importance of expressing themselves respectfully and avoiding unnecessary offence.”On the flip side, children need to be reminded that false reporting of bullying is also an offence.

“Many young people are quick to report incidents of ‘bullying’ only for the school to investigate two young people with a difference of opinion. Children must learn life lessons of confrontation and being able to express their opinion about a matter, without being cancelled or disparaged for an opinion or belief.”

So, how can we teach students to cope effectively with people whose behaviour reflects intolerance?

“We must teach our children conflict resolution skills and how to build their self-esteem to a point where they don’t take knee-jerk offence. Parents, teachers, and the wider community should teach children to interact respectfully with others. They should learn to model the positive behaviour of responsible adults around them. Schools should create open environments where students have the opportunity to voice their opinions respectfully and to encourage dialogue among all.”

Most importantly, we have to teach our children to report cases of bullying to a trusted adult at home, at school, or in any other environment where they feel safe.

It is imperative that schools investigate incidents of bullying, give feedback to aggrieved parties, and take action against perpetrators of such actions. Bullying and harassment leave many young people unprepared to deal with the harmful effects. It is up to the adults in their lives to protect them from this harm and support them through the devastating effects of others’ destructive behavior.”